This is truly the point in my life where I can say I've heard it all.

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No doubt about it.

Ahhh, yes, the (YOUR TOWN) chili, spaghetti or BBQ cook-off.

Everyone wants to win it and have that local prestige.

Linda Anders, a 41 year-old woman originally from Alabama, wanted to win really, really badly. It consumed her thoughts. It consumed her every waking moment.

Photo: Williamson County Sheriff's Dept./Facebook
Photo: Williamson County Sheriff's Dept./Facebook

Linda, you see, had come in 2nd several years in a row in the annual pasta competition.

What do you do to finally take the top spot?

If you are Linda Anders, you slice off dead males testicles and freeze them.

Everyone needs that little secret ingredient to get over the top, right?

Oh, yeah, Linda works as an assistant at the Carterville city morgue.

Don't get ahead of me.

Linda was so determined to win the cook-off, that for 11 months, she removed testicles from dead males and set them aside.

Now, what would make you think that a testicle would be a great replacement for standard "meatballs".

These were a completely different kind of meat "ball".

What a crazy b****.

Sorry, but it had to be said.

The really disturbing thing is how well her pasta with testicles was doing in the cook-off!

They and she, were winning!

The judges loved her recipe, and several went back for seconds.

One judge even went back for thirds. That's what got her "busted".

Well, the ball, busted.

She did not realize that one of the testicles she used was a prosthetic testicle.

The judge bit into the fake ball and it burst in the judge's mouth.

It was rubber and filled with saline.

This led to closer examination and Linda's time was up.

She was SO close to first place in the spaghetti cook-off.

At least she will have a good story to tell her fellow inmates.

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