I was BODY SHAMED AT WALMART

Monday afternoon I went to Wal-Mart on Skyland Blvd. Just a normal guy doing some shoppin’.

No big whoop.

I got all my normal stuff: chips, Faygo, K-Cups, a lamp, a fire extinguisher, a length of rope, some bananas and some grape jelly... DO NOT JUDGE ME.

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Anywhoo, at the SELF CHECK OUT AISLE I was rocking right along. I got this down. I know JUST HOW TO HOLD THE PRODUCT OVER THE RED THINGY AND MAKE IT GO BEEP on the first try!

But……

And this is a BIG BUT. 

I got distracted by the Sweet Tarts on the candy shelf – and..........

When I was scanning my bananas….. I ACCIDENTLY PRESSED “ PLANTAIN!!!!!"

It was an honest mistake. THEY LOOK ALIKE. (Is THAT racist to say…??) 

The alarm went off. People were staring! A LITTLE KID SCREAMED. An old lady passed out! 

I FELT LIKE A CRIMINAL.

So…………………

The nice Wal-Mart lady came over to assist me. She punched in a code and an OVERHEAD image appeared on the screen.

The video showed me, just a few seconds before, ACCIDENTLY scanning my bananas under “Plantain.”

IT WAS ALL RIGHT THERE. ON VIDEO. 

I was VINDICATED.

But my jubilation was short lived. For the next image I saw, was one that will shake me to my dying day.

I HAVE A BALD SPOT.

I was not aware of this. Until now.

So…

Thanks Wal-Mart.

‘Preciate cha!