Valentine's Day is just days away, and I've already exceeded my stress limit for 2018.

I went to Walmart yesterday, which was an ordeal in and of itself. The Wally World and I have a love/hate relationship--I hate going there, and they love taking my money. I swear, it's like I can't go in to that dang place without spending a minimum of $50.

I had my five-year-old daughter with me, which made things 6,000 times more difficult. It's bad enough having to weasel my way in between random grannies on Hoverround scooters and two girls having a fight on aisle 7, but doing all that with a kindergartner in tow in basically an Olympic sport.

ANYWAY, we went to Hellmart for juice boxes, and on our way to the juice aisle, we passed by the Valentine's section. You know those three or four aisles stuffed with cards and candy and brightly colored things that scream "AAAAAAAAYYYY YO TELL YOUR MOM TO BUY ME AND IF SHE SAYS NO HAVE A FULL ON HISSY FIT UP IN THIS GODFORSAKEN RETAIL WASTELAND" and dumb fake flowers? My kiddo spotted it, and we just HAD to check it out.

I couldn't believe just how many Valentines there are now. It's NUTS. I am a 80's baby/90's kid, and back in my day, we had paper Valentines. If your parents were super bougie, you got the kind that had a lollipop. That was IT. Valentines now come with Skittles or sunglasses or stickers and pencils and pens and every kind of glitter known to man. It's craziness.

When did Valentine's Day become Mom Gauntlet 2.0? Is it a competition now to see who can give the biggest Valentine? What's next, giving kids full size candy bars and a new Barbie Dream House?

Y'all need to CHILL on the holidays. I am all about making it magical for my daughter, but give a lazy mom like me a break. I am BEGGING you--because you know who has to address all those cards and make all those candy bags? (Hint: it ain't my kiddo.)



I JUST got over Christmas, and now y'all are making me show out for ANOTHER holiday? I can't keep up. Please either send a nanny or a box of wine.

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